Theological Triva according to Weekly World News

From the New York Times by way of Think Christian here's some interesting things we've learned from the Weekly World News:

Q.: What does God look like?

A.: God “has fiery green eyes, flowing brown hair and stands 9 feet tall.”

Q.: What does God sound like?

A.: “A hundred baritones and a symphony orchestra rolled into one,” as recorded by a Soviet space probe.

Q.: Where is heaven?

A.: Heaven is 28,000 light-years from Earth, according to another space probe.

Q.: Where is hell?

A.: Nine miles below the surface of Earth, according to Soviet engineers drilling in Siberia (the Soviets played a curiously large part in these discoveries). Weekly World News reassured readers that those engineers had capped the hole after smelling smoke and hearing the cries of the damned.

Q.: How do you get to heaven?

A.: Through the Bermuda Triangle — did you have to ask? This was attributed to a Dutch physicist, who also reported that the passage to heaven was open 16 times a year.

Interesting stuff, I can't believe I've never learned this in Sunday School!