I'm so Selfish

Have you ever had one of those days? Me too. The problem is I have them all the time. It hits me when I'm sitting in my gopher hole at work, "WHY AM I HERE?" Then I watch the news, see what's happening to this planet and shudder when I think about my kids growing up here in this world. About now the little voice in my head that I thought I could trust starts yelling, "WHY ARE WE STILL HERE! JESUS COME BACK, PLEASE. IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP THERE WON'T BE ANYONE WORTH SAVING!"

I don't know when the realization started to hit me but that was no angel in my head. I let the trash fill my head and while God was nowhere to be found Satan snuck in the back door. His battle is already lost, he would love it for Jesus to return and sweep all of us (self)righteous people up with him and leave the unsaved for him. To paraphrase that voice in the attic, I was basically saying, "SEE Y'ALL LATER, YOU CAN JUST GO TO HELL" Now do you understand the selfish angle? Some of those people I'm kissin off are, to name a few, my parents, my sister and her family, who knows how many other relatives, friends, co-workers and probably a lot of friends at church. If the "rapture" would have occurred a mere 4 1/2 years ago that list would also have included me and my son Jeffery never would have been born.

For years, the old me I'll call "Saul", would agree with those who'd say that religion was a crutch, a way to get problems of your back, or an easy way out for weak people. The new me, "Paul", now knows how ridiculous that school of thought really is. I have a house prepared for me in Heaven, just waiting on His call, but am still under the covenant paid for with His blood. My part of the deal is to spread the news of His sacrifice for our salvation and His wonderous love for a non-deserving, deceitful, hypocritical, still sinning, SELFISH loser like me.

Does this look like the job description for a sissy Christian boy.........

I have to learn to be excited and let the joy shine out of me at all times, even when I want to lock it inside me.

I have to learn to humble myself and weep for the lost.

I have to learn to be strong for my family in the face of this world, no matter how ugly it might get in the future.

I have to learn to be brave and be willing to be chastised as one of this countries newest minorities, "THE OUTSPOKEN CHRISTIAN".

I have to learn to be trusting, knowing my Father's words will be there for me when sharing my story with others.

I have to learn how to be wise and be able to discern my thoughts, dreams and circumstances to find His small voice in the cacophony.

I have to learn how to be faithful and not put any of these false idols we have created above the Lord, my God and pray for the will power to do this.

I have to learn to be sharing and let others feel the relief of their sins lifted off their shoulders.

I have to learn to be giving and share my blessings with those around me in need.

I need to learn to persevere. This world can be changed. It got to where it is now because the loudest voices won and Christians like me said, "TO HELL WITH THIS WORLD, I'M SAVED, SCREW EVERYONE ELSE." Enough of the "silent majority". If we don't speak up it doesn't matter how big our numbers are, we had better start running and don't look back if you don't like the taste of salt.

Above all I need to learn to be a MAN of God!

That's all for now from this whining, grumpy and selfish no matter how incredibly blessed he is gopher. I'll be in my hole if anyone needs me.