1/23/08 - Life Journal - Can I Bear it?

And as they led him away, they seized one Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, and laid on him the cross, to carry it behind Jesus.
Luke 23:26

That dude had no idea the honor he had and the place he would hold in history. Jesus's own disciples didn't understand the significance of Jesus' sacrifice and what His death on the cross meant in terms of the salvation of millions, so why should we expect any different from Simon. There's no written proof one way or another (correct me if I'm wrong) in Luke at least that can help us determine if he was a follower of Jesus or not so we can't really say what he was feeling. Whatever it was I can almost guarantee it was bass ackward! If he was a follower he was drenched in guilt, being the man carrying the cross that He would be nailed to and if he was loyal to Caiaphas or Caesar he was thrilled about the honor in helping do away with this rabble rouser.

I know the outcome. I know why Jesus was nailed to that cross. I enjoy the spoils of His victory. Yet I still disobey. I'm the inverse of Simon. When I DON'T carry His cross my body tells me I should be honored, I'm doing it myself, look at everything I have, I'm awesome! Then, with a swift kick from the Spirit, my soul tells me of the guilt I should be feeling, he's dying for me, take the cross from Him, the weight of which is my sin in the first place.

Jesus, it was for me that You died that horrible death and endured the heinous torture. Let me be Simon. Let me carry your cross and follow.

1/5/08 - Life Journal - Drop Everything

So Abram left, as the LORD had told him;
Genesis 12:4

So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
Luke 5:11

"Follow me," Jesus said to him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.
Luke 5:27,28

Three great examples of unquestioning obedience. Abram, Simon and Levi. All secure in their lives. Living with family, doing well financially. All of them dropped everything and followed the command to get up and go. They immediately recognized the authority and started a new life in line with His plan for them. In hindsight we know they would later become significant leaders of a people and a world-wide movement as Abraham, Peter and Matthew but all they had was the word of God spoken to them and the faith to go through with His wishes.

It's easy for me to take a "risk" when I know the outcome of the situation. So why is it so hard for me to make this leap? If my faith is true there is no risk. Jesus told me to drop everything, pick up His cross and follow. I know the end of the story already, the victory is won and I will stand before Him one day. Where's this hesitation coming from and what exactly does following mean in my circumstance? Become a missionary? Go into full time ministry? Continue my "day job" and be a tentmaker like Paul for the rest of my life? The only answers will come through prayer and diligiently paying attention for that still small voice.

Father, speak to me, what is my cross to bear for you?