It's good to laugh at yourself.....

The following is a transcript of my adventure on the way to work one day as related through email to my loving wife........not for the faint hearted.


There I was getting ready for the shower this morning, when I made the fateful decision that would change my morning commute. I figured I would wait until work to use the restroom and continued my morning ritual, sleeping late and getting ready as fast as possible. I was just passing the Airport Road exit when that early morning trip to the water closet would come back to haunt me. It started out as a small rumble from deep in my gut and was slowly building up a head of steam. I knew for sure I wouldn't make to work, but how far? I decided to stop at the Shell station at County Line Road. Pain filled my stomach and fear started to rise. As I neared and thought I was in the clear a big honkin semi pulled in front of me and cost me precious seconds. Upon entering the station, dodging a Rooms-to-Go truck and pulling into the spot sideways, I moved the best I could in through the inviting automatic doors. There it was the light at the end of the tunnel, the end of the rainbow, the men's room. A chorus of angels celebrated my victory. Then, the screeching of a needle on a record that is stopped abruptly. Little miss Latino cleaning lady had the bathroom closed. Could it be that I had come this far for naught? After what was probably some pretty comical pacing back and forth I made a decision. I was going in. I burst through the door and ran into the stall. A surprised voice said in broken English, "You no come in, someone here"! Using my skills of persuasion I immediately fired back a clever response, "Sorry". Once landing on the seat after a quick undress I got my final slap in the face. It seems she had already started with this stall and I found myself bathing in a fresh puddle of sudsy water. To say the least it was quite shocking. Some elaborate drying off and a couple of flushes later I exited with another apology and a good bye to Senorita Bathroom Cleaner. The remainder of the trip being uneventful I am now finally seated at work writing you about my epic journey, feeling like the brave Odysseus returning home after many travails on the sea.